Skip navigation! Like falling in love or meeting your soulmate, people say you'll "just know" when you're having an orgasm. That's a lovely sentiment, and might be true for some people, but sometimes you might actually not know. Orgasms can be explosive, subtle, inaudible, or somewhere in between. If you aren't sure what you're "supposed to be feeling" during an orgasm, that's okay, because it can be confusing. Unfortunately, many people feel embarrassed and defeated when they question whether or not they've had an orgasm, says Vanessa Marin , a sex therapist who specialises in teaching women how to orgasm. The truth is that orgasms can feel very different from person to person, and one person can "experience wildly different orgasms ," Marin says. To that same point, many women will go their whole lives and never have an orgasm, for a variety of reasons. But you can still have a fulfilling, pleasurable sex life without orgasms, because they don't have to be the finish line of every sexual experience.
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If you're not aware of exactly what goes on inside your body while you have an orgasm , well, I don't blame you — isn't that why we have orgasms? To momentarily ignore ourselves, reality and the inevitable heat death of the universe, and just lean in to some pants partying? But just because we're not necessarily paying attention to our bodies while we orgasm, doesn't mean than our bodies are not doing a ton of totally impressive things when they launch us over the border into PleasureTown. Though scientists and researchers have never quite come to a definitive conclusion as to why the female orgasm exists "because it's rad, jerks! Masters and Johnson conducted research on the subject in the '50s and '60s, and found that human beings had four stages of sexual response — excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution — each of which included some important and very interesting involuntary bodily responses. But the involuntary responses related to orgasm might be the most interesting — after all, you knew having an orgasm was work, but did you know exactly what kind of work it involved? Well, you're about to. Ready to appreciate your orgasms on a whole other, scientifically knowledgeable level? Then read on, you worldly scholar, you. And as your arousal increases, so does your engorgement — it's one of the things that helps your body achieve the tension in your pelvic muscles required to achieve an orgasm.